Anonymously Spitting The Truth

Sometimes I just stand amazing at the amount of wisdom that my Mom has.  When I got married my new surname was a bit strange at first.  You know, its just hard to make it fit with my name without sounding funny.  Even though I spent a good couple of years imagining it, dreaming about being a Mrs. 

However when I could finally, legally call myself a Mrs. it was harder than I thought.  My signature.  My e-mail accounts.  My person info on all my accounts.  I can't just go and change it - I need proof.  I know I've got my marriage certificate and all, but still, its a hassle.  Changing my e-mail address alone is a hassle.  I left it for a while, thinking that its not urgent or anything.  Still I dread changing my driver's license & ID - home affairs & the traffic offices are notorious for the horrible lack of decent service. 

My Mom started encouraging me to do the things which are easier though.  Changing my e-mail, practicing my signature.  All those things might seem pretty annoying and pointless to women, specially like me who thought that I would "eventually change it".

My Mom realized something which I hadn't yet.  For a wife to take on her husband's surname half heartedly says something.  If however she is enthusiastic about the whole rig-ma-roll, it make the husband feel proud - after all men do see their woman as a trophy.  Not in an ugly shauvinistic way, but rather in a proud way.  Proud that his wife is HIS wife, and no one else's. 

Oh well, I guess its not that way for all men, but I'm truly making an effort to get myself into the Mrs. who I wanted to be for so long :)

 

I get so excited about the ideas I have, bloggin ideas.  Things I wonder about, and which I want to discuss.

But then I never get to put pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard. 

This blog STILL isn't home yet.  I miss my previous blog a lot.  This one just seems a bit dead.  But after I found out about my husband reading the other blog I dont know, I'm just not comfortable about blogging there anymore.  Maybe its cause he teases me about being a geek.  And maybe it baring my soul on the net that frightens me.  I dont know.

Its not like I'm keeping secrets from him really, sharing them on my blog instead.  He knows all there is to know about me - much more than I'm willing to blog about, but still.  I guess perhaps its just a mental block.

My husband is VERY old fashioned, and VERY conservative when it comes to the www.  He doesn't like facebook, and I guess blogging freaks him out?  He doesn't like the idea of me sharing my life with 'strangers', and at the same time sharing parts of his live, inevitably.

Argh... I wish I could just look PAST this and carry on.  As if nothing had happened.  I should probably talk to him about it, but I dread discussing something which I know he feels so strong about.

Still I am not going to give up blogging.  I'm loving it.  I've been blogging for about 3 years now, and I'm addicted in a way.  I find it great stimulation for my thoughts, and I find that I actually  get rid of some things that bother me.  When I'm angry with someone I just need to do a post about it.  I hardly ever make it public.  Still I put my thoughts on black and white, and after that I'm usually ready to fogive and forget.

Besides all that, I love writing.  I may not be exceptionally great at it, but I enjoy it.  I've always loved it.  I've even considered studying further, something like creative writing, but taking up a career with that would be a waste.  I hate being forced to write about something I have no passion for.  Same way with art.  I had art lessons at school, and I hated when we were forced to draw something specific.  I love being creative, but on my own, in my own way.

Yesterday and today I've been at home.  I'm off sick with flu and UTI, though I'm feeling better today, I still have a bit of a fever - my digital thermometer makes a beeping sound whenever I take my temperature, and can't go any higher - lol.  I'll be back at work again tomorrow, though I won't have finished my antibiotics by then.  Oh well, just two days of work, and then its weekend again, hey!?  Nice.   And there I was, thinking it was going to be a long work week.

I might write again a bit later, but for now I want to get back in bed, and read my book.  I've been reading quite a lot, but I absolutely love it.  I haven't read in quite a while, and I don't know how I'm going to stop myself...

I hope you all are having a pleasant week.  Take care, till later.

Sitting here makes me feel a little like Alice in Wonderland.  Like I don't fit in yet, and everything is still a bit strange, still it feels hauntingly familiar.  I guess blogging is just where my heart lies, and whatever platform I use, it will almost give me that fond homey feel.

I guess I need to start focussing on what I'm going to blog about again.  I haven't shared much personal stuff lately since I've had a spy on my ass.  :P  It wasn't that bad - not a stalker at least!  But basically I found out that my husband is reading my blog, and I guess its just that I sometimes blurt things out on here to vent, and I don't always want to worry about what I say.  Or how I say it.  He didn't say anything about it, and he probably won't either, but just to keep it safe, I'll rather spill the beans in this new nook on the web.